A New Level

I apologize for the lack of posts. I went through a difficult time emotionally and physically. After a week of stubbornly suffering, I finally took the antibiotic that I brought as a precaution. It seems to have done the trick. Additionally, I temporarily misplaced my camera charger and just found it. But alas, I am posting.

Since I've been here, I've tasted many new foods (some of which did not agree with my stomach), discovered new ways of doing things (like riding a boda sidesaddle), and argued over the meanings and connotations of many words (apparently, escort means something different here). I have heard foreign languages and learned how people live in a way very different than I am used to. I have laughed about the strange behaviors of the Ugandan people and been laughed at for my own first-world quirks. There are many differences between my temporary home here and my US homes.

But more than anything, I'm amazed by how very alike we all are. All over the world, in different cultures and places, we all possess the same needs and desires and worries. We are all human. We are temporarily lost when the power and internet goes out (though Ugandans are admittedly much better at coping than I). We have irrational fears of small creatures (me- of the flying bugs and spiders, Ugandans- of frogs and caterpillars). We feel lost without our cell phones. We cheer for sports teams and wear their jerseys. We sit in coffee shops to mooch on the free wifi. We have earthquakes. We complain about unfamiliar food and gas prices. We make fun of celebrities. We have ice cream trucks. We can't function without our morning coffee or tea (and add way too much sugar). We watch movies. We hold hands. We do yoga. We find a family in our friends. We find strength in community. We have families and jobs and worries. We don't know how to treat those who look different than us. We aspire to be something greater. We dislike change. We don't notice the beauty that surrounds us. And above all, we are incredibly resilient.

The kids watching as the IV team
says their goodbyes

Given the nature of my research, I have been able to read many of the girls' stories. It's difficult to believe what these women have been through. And yet, their smiles are big and beautiful. They care for their children with a love that they were never shown. Jesus is transforming their lives and making something beautiful out of what the devil tried to destroy. I also had the opportunity to interview some of the girls about the IV team's visit. Many of them noted that their faith was strengthened, and I can see for myself that they are more relaxed and filled with joy. [Thank you to all of the IV and Focus interns for the incredible impact you've made on these girls and their children!]

As I mentioned, I went through a period of doubt and pessimism. I honestly can't say I'm completely out of it, but through it God has been teaching me some lessons that I need to learn. So as opposed to my normal cheery blog disposition, I'm going to be honest. It has been lonely here. As the only intern, I have been forced to explore on my own and fill my time with less social activities than I'm used to. In a way, it has forced me to step out of my comfort zone.. which is good. But in another way, it has led to feelings of loneliness and left me devoid of some much-needed venting. I've also struggled with how women are treated here (both Ugandan women and mzungus). Hearing the girls stories and seeing with my own eyes how some men behave has made me angry at times. I've been angry at myself, as well, for my self-centeredness and lack of compassion. Despite how wonderful everyone at CVI has been to me, I have struggled loving these people as much as I want to. But I'm realizing that this may not be a failure of my capacity for love, but rather God showing me my true nature. God is throwing me in these more trying situations to reveal that the love and compassion by which I have defined myself don't come from me at all. They are merely reflections of God's love. And the dusty roads of Uganda make it difficult to keep my heart's mirror clean. Or rather, they reveal that it isn't clean to begin with.

Peace and Me

I recently read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (a book I highly recommend to Christians and non-Christians alike). Lewis, in explaining why it is sometimes painful when we submit to God, says, "God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous things He means to make of us." In explaining my feelings to a close friend and sister in Christ, I told her, "Sometimes I feel that I'm falling back in a way. That my struggle in loving these people and being unselfish is a sign that I'm not as strong or 'in God' as I used to be. But now I'm realizing, that's because in previous situations, it was easier to love and serve. Now, God is putting me in more challenging situations to show me that the love and service I had attributed to myself are not my nature at all. They are His shining through me. So now I need, even more, to give it up to Him and allow Him to do the same. That it isn't me 'losing' those qualities. They were never mine in the first place. That's a lot less pressure, to realize that I can't 'increase' my love on my own. I just have to give it up to God."

Eric teaching me how
to breakdance

Fortunately, God is also answering my prayers in regard to my loneliness. I met my new friend, Eric, at yoga. He was doing some yoga/breakdancing moves, which led to a conversation about dance. He dances with a crew here in Gulu and organizes a bi-annual dance competition for crews in the area. He also teaches kids the basics of hip hop in an after-school program and invited me to check it out. How could I resist that?!

I went the next day and found the room full with kids learning tutting, breaking, and dance hall. I joined in, to the very confused looks of everyone in the room. Several of the guys wanted to learn 'my kind of dance', so I gave them a quick lesson in the basics of ballet. ("Why no 3rd position?" lol) It was inspiring to see young men and women working their bodies and spirits through dance. I only wish I had learned of this program sooner.

Work it, dance hall!

Teaching Eric ballet

I also met a couple of girls from Orange County through a contact of my dad's. Katrina and Kaylee work with Remnant International, an organization that teaches women screen printing and sewing to free them from human trafficking and prostitution. Check out their website. They have some awesome products for a worthy cause! Also, Kaylee is a Theta, which of course makes her even more awesome! :)

That's all for now, but I promise (power permitting) to update more often for my remaining 3.5 weeks!

Daniel is a Pats fan,
of course

These creepy (and giant) vulture-like birds
were EVERYWHERE the other day

I asked for my coffee "to go"
... this is what I got

Jaja Susie (from IV) teaching the
girls to make cinnamon rolls

Cinnamon Rolls!

Tanning by the pool at the Acholi Inn, a
luxury I NEVER thought I'd have here

Cassava and Odin

Silly faces

Always wanting to play with my camera

He can go from crying to smiling
and back in 0.5 seconds